Monday, May 6, 2013

Lead Update


The shark that was responsible for two recent deaths has been caught and killed. Beaches will reopen immediately. Island residents and guests alike are encouraged to return to the water.

Town Meeting Outrage


Yesterday’s town meeting yielded an eruptive response from those who attended, as the cause of the two recent deaths and what course of action to take was discussed. Police Chief Martin S. Brody suggested summer police staff be called in as early as possible and that shark spotters be present at the beaches.

When asked if the beaches are going to be closed, he responded by saying that they will be closed for 24 hours.

“That’s like three weeks,” an unknown attendee yelled.

The crowd’s sentiments were in accord concerning this outrageous claim, as island residents thought about the loss of business that closing the beaches would bring about.

Currently the mother of victim Alex Kintner is offering a $3,000 reward for anyone who can find her son’s killer. Fisherman Ben Quint is demanding that he be paid $10,000 for finding the shark that may or may not be connected to these tragic murders.